P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
