This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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