I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
