"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
