Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
