make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
