some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
