My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
