i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
