I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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