I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
