Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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