Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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