I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
