Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
