Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
