I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
