That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
