I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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