guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
