I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
