Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
