Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
