**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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