Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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