If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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