If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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