i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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