we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
