i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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