Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
