You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
