Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My breasts were aching with rage.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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