You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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