She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
