I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
