You're completely useless in the revolution.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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