true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
