In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
