Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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