Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
