dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
