Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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