I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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