you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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