are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
