I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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