Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
