When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
