im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
