There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
