she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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